Go Go Gorrila
by MakaioRed
Summary: Edward Cullen drinks Saiyan blood, transforms into a giant gorilla and kidnaps Mario's girlfriend. Mario must attempt to save the day again, as per normal video game standards, with references to Super Mario Bros. and Donkey Kong. The story is a prequel to "Of Sparkloi and Finance", has a cousin called "Death at a Wedding", and has spun off into "Hemorrhage".


Despite Edward's head feeling incredibly noxious, his body had never felt more incredible.

The previous night he had indulged his craving for human blood and went hunting. And blood he found, extracted from a spiky haired man dressed as a martial artist, or so Edward thought. A red liquid spring from the stranger's veins had gushed inside his mouth. It had been the best taste of iron his tongue had ever experienced. The rush of haemoglobin to his head sent energy abound.

After he had released his eupeptic mouth from the owner of the blood, Edward punched a hole into a wall to test his new strength. It had increased far beyond what he had known through out his life. He also had greater agility. And finally, in a weird, but still masculine sort of way, he felt sexier.

His appearance had changed after the bite too. Instead of brown hair facing the air, it was now gold, and each iris of his eyes had gone green. His dependency on blood waned too. No longer did the lack of blood bring about a seething hunger or stumbling lethargy.

So, now, the night after Edward received this new gift, he decided to leave Forks and paint New York City red. He would do anything to scrape the thoughts of his divorce proceedings from his mind. There were other thoughts he wanted expelled too, the thought of a mutt going full on doggy style with his dhamphir daughter. No, tonight he would bear no thought of others. Tonight he would have fun.

Edward usually started off slow when it came to such matters. He would first go see a movie. He jogged through the city until he stopped at a movie theatre in Brooklyn. Edward looked up at the billboard attached to the front of the theatre. King Kong was on show. 'Don't they ever get bored of gigantic apes,' Edward thought.

At the ticket station Edward saw two odd characters trying to get through. First, a tiny, dwarf-like man wearing a red shirt, blue over-alls and a red hat, and then next to him a much taller blonde woman wearing a big pink dress and a crown.

"It's-a-me-Mario!" the man exclaimed.

"You can't pay for the ticket with this money sir. And if you don't have a ticket sir, I can't let you in," the ticket booth operator said.

"IT'S-A-ME-MARIO!" Mario shouted. Edward could tell that his English wasn't too good, and could hear from the sound of his accent that he was Italian.

Edward stopped eavesdropping, though he was getting tired of waiting for the two of them to finish. He stared at the sky trying to train his patience. Lots of sparkly stars, sparkly like Bella. Beautiful Bodacious Bella.

'No!' he thought. 'I'm not going to think of Bella.'

Edward shifted his gaze across the sky, his eyes finding the moon. Massive Malicious Moon. Something was beginning to change in him. Shifting. The feeling ripped through him and through his muscles as well. The bits and bones forming his skeleton grew exponentially; the dysplasia of his body caused his clothing to turn to rags. The tardy tinsel tendons grew to surround the growing bone. Every inch of him, his arms; legs; back; torso, were shallowed with new grown fur. His face contorted from handsome to footsome. It was turning into a callously brown and ebony surface. His transformation ended of with the growth of a small tail out of the area above his buttocks.

Mario stared at this and saw something familiar yet scary at the same time. Mario's plumping apprenticeship had never dealt with zoology, but he could see that Edward was now a gigantic gorilla. And one with the sight worthy of vomit.

Edward opened his mouth, breathing in deeply so he could make the biggest roar he possibly could.

"Eeee Awww, Eeeeee Awwwww," was all Edward could manage. It was loud, and screeching. But it hardly possessed the qualities of the simian roar he expected.

Edward's brain capacity had diminished substantially, but he was still fully aware of who and where he was, and what had happened. A new undiscovered strength, even greater than what he had before, pulsed through his veins. With only his right arm he stopped a truck that was passing by on the road and threw it on top of a building across from the movie theatre. He looked at Mario and then his pink-dressed girlfriend. Out of spite for having made him wait, he grabbed Mario's girlfriend and jumped up onto the building to join the truck.

"Mama Mia! Princess-a Peach!" Mario shouted.

Edward tore the rear doors of truck open, exposing its cargo. Several gigantic barrels of wine were present. He lifted the truck up, letting the barrels fall out, and threw the truck off the roof at Mario.

The truck missed a diving Mario by inches and rammed the theatre entrance. The entrance caved in on itself, with shattered glass lining the ground.

Mario picked himself up and looked around. His eyes spotted a grocery store across the street. The grocer was still there, so Mario ran up to the grocer, desperate for help.

"Hey, Mario, what can I do for you? I guess you need something that can help you beat that monster? Anything you need Mario" said the friendly grocer.

Mario pulled out his wallet and opened it, pointing his finger to the mushroom contained within a photograph.

"Ah," the grocer said diligently, "a mushroom, here you go."

Mario shoved the mushroom down his throat, and suddenly he grew in size and bulk. He was now a slightly bulgy, but muscular, six foot tall man.

Edward started roaring from impatience, if Mario didn't hurry up, he may start the peach eating party without him.

"You got saliva all over me, yuck," Princess Peach said, held tightly in Donkey 'Edward' Kong's grip.

"Sawry," the gorilla rasped.

Back on the street, the grocer was clearly impressed by Mario's transformation. "Wow!" he exclaimed.

Mario then pointed to the photo again, this time at a small flower.

"Go to that guy over there," the grocer said, "he's the local dealer."

Mario dashed across the street to a shady, dirty, man, who looked like a stereotypical drug dealer often seen in movies.

"I've got some fine merchandise for you man, what'll it be?" the man said.

Mario showed him the wallet photo with the mushroom, pointing to a small flower next to the mushroom.

"Hmmm, what's that? A flower? Lemme' think. Flower, that means plant, and plant must mean... oh yes here you go."

The man handed Mario some raw cannabis. He swallowed it and suddenly the colour of his clothing turned white.

The dealer was looking at Mario with a rather shocked expression. "My oh my, I think I must be high, yet you're the one who's shooting for the sky," the man said in a poetic rap.

Mario hopped around, now too full of energy to walk like a normal person, and then jumped up onto the top of the building harbouring his kidnapped love, ready to do battle with her captor, the great primate - Eddy Kong.

Edward laughed an evil laugh, and started to throw barrels at Mario.

Mario made graceful hops over each barrel, even hitting a small, invisible brick ceiling during one of his hops. He then landed squarely on his feet, facing Edward, who was now realising his Mario-squishing attempts were in vain.

Nothing could prepare the gorilla for what was about to happen next. Mario threw his hand up, and a small ball of fire escaped it. Edward let go of Princess Peach out of shock, and began running away from the flame.

The Princess was caught by her ever heroic plumber, while Edward's head hit a floating, and invisible, brick platform. His running ceased long enough for the fire to catch up to him.

The flame hit his body, and Edward ignited. He screamed, but not out of pain, none of his injuries were anastrophic, but because his fur was burning away. Edward was left bare and exposed, without natural clothing. Both Peach and Mario began to roll on the floor from the hysterical nature of what had just occurred, and the shame which gripped Edward unconsciously forced a transformation back into vampire form.

Edward's hair was no longer golden, and his strength had dissipated. He ran for a door leading to the building's staircase, now scared of the Italian plumber who caused his defeat.

Mario wasn't concerned with the vampire any more, instead focusing on his dear sweet Princess Peach.

"Let's have some wine," Princess Peach said, pulling out two plastic cups from her handbag. The toast the two latter shared marked another occasion that Mario had once again saved the day.


End file.
